I, Noory

"Letters I've written, never meaning to send"
From the song, Nights in White Satin
By The Moody Blues

My Beloved Karen,

To whom can I unburden myself, when the truth only leads to more suffering and more death? The answer is no one. And yet, the weight of the guilt I carry is crushing me. And I have no time to be crushed.

Not that I don't deserve to be crushed. I certainly do. Even if my part in the martian holocaust sprung wholly from a pathetic and naive ignorance. That does not change the fact that I was part of something unspeakable and unforgivable. I desire nothing more than to be crushed and annihilated for my crimes against the innocent.

But what of the innocent who remain and are in peril? How can I turn my back on them now? They are in their moment of greatest need, and I must do what I can. However, I do not expect the smallest piece of mercy or absolution for what little help I might render them. I would not accept forgiveness if it was offered me. I pray for one thing and one thing only, not for me but for them. I pray that they might have hope.

Until we meet again...

All my love,
Jordan

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